This is satisfyingly good! Power dynamics, weird science, bullies getting their comeuppance… it’s like you wrote this just for me. Great story, Gregory!
SUPER DOPEEE!!! Loved the bits of dark comedy embedded in here. Super compelling! Definitely wanted to see him succeed. Super thrown off by him literally lunging at him lol.
Damn, Gregory! This is wild in the best way. A relatable start, a fast-paced middle, and satisfying end. I'm just sorry we didn't get to hear you read this out loud today.
So this was a strangeone! - I liked the set up - the allergies, the sinister medical centre...the new experimental procedures...all boded well - but then it suddenly turns into like a werewolf story? - of itself - perfectly satisfying and gory - the sense of new strength and sensory overload and joy at being supercharged - all really well captured - but I couldn't understand how the first part delivered the second part - there was a disconnect between the medical procedure and the MC becoming a ravening beast. - I would have welcomed some more hints in the first half maybe about what the basis of the therapy was - has he been turned into an animal? has he been given some sort of dna transfer of a wolf or something? what is the lightning strike thing? is it something to do with allergens now turning him into a supernatural being, rather than giving him hayfever?
I also found the writing in very short paragraphs of one sentence to be a bit distracting after a while - this mechanism is good for delivering punchy fast paced sections where each line benefits from standing alone and landing the blow before the next hit but I did feel there was too much of it in places where it did not add to the over all effectiveness of the delivery of your story and broke up some flow where a longer paragraph would have suited the narrative there better.
really interesting premise and good pace, some nice visceral action!
This is satisfyingly good! Power dynamics, weird science, bullies getting their comeuppance… it’s like you wrote this just for me. Great story, Gregory!
Oh the sensory details are wonderful. Being able to breathe, through your nose. We've all been there!
Did not see that ending though. 🙌❤️🙌
Delicious
Thank you, Keith!
If the only side effects is a little bit of cannibalism, then sign me up!
I enjoyed this, so much. The undercurrent of fun highlighted the horror perfectly 🖤
Thank you, Ariadne!
It’s like a twisted superhero origin story. I’m glad Donnie got his. Great read!
Thank you, Aaron!
SUPER DOPEEE!!! Loved the bits of dark comedy embedded in here. Super compelling! Definitely wanted to see him succeed. Super thrown off by him literally lunging at him lol.
Damn, Gregory! This is wild in the best way. A relatable start, a fast-paced middle, and satisfying end. I'm just sorry we didn't get to hear you read this out loud today.
Thank you, Garen! I know…I’m so bummed! I don’t know why it didn’t work. I appreciate you and Erica making the reading a marvelous event, regardless!
🖤
So cool and original. Love it
Oh, I was also going to say that I was sad that you didn't get to read live today.
Nice. Love the narrative voice. And bullies getting their due.
Yay! I’ll root for this monster any day! This is vindication for every allergy sufferer. 🎉🙌
Right? This story is based in truth to a certain degree.
🫢 ay dios mio!
Lol! Not the ending! 😂
So this was a strangeone! - I liked the set up - the allergies, the sinister medical centre...the new experimental procedures...all boded well - but then it suddenly turns into like a werewolf story? - of itself - perfectly satisfying and gory - the sense of new strength and sensory overload and joy at being supercharged - all really well captured - but I couldn't understand how the first part delivered the second part - there was a disconnect between the medical procedure and the MC becoming a ravening beast. - I would have welcomed some more hints in the first half maybe about what the basis of the therapy was - has he been turned into an animal? has he been given some sort of dna transfer of a wolf or something? what is the lightning strike thing? is it something to do with allergens now turning him into a supernatural being, rather than giving him hayfever?
I also found the writing in very short paragraphs of one sentence to be a bit distracting after a while - this mechanism is good for delivering punchy fast paced sections where each line benefits from standing alone and landing the blow before the next hit but I did feel there was too much of it in places where it did not add to the over all effectiveness of the delivery of your story and broke up some flow where a longer paragraph would have suited the narrative there better.
really interesting premise and good pace, some nice visceral action!